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  • Writer's pictureAndy Zneimer

DON’T PRESS SEND... a mantra for #businesssuccess

In most cases #conflict is bad, negative and unhelpful. It can lead to a multitude of unwanted side effects such as high blood pressure, headaches, skin disorders, heart disease, digestive problems, poor immunity, depression, addiction - and more. Yet no matter how bad things seem “pressing send” is rarely the answer!

“I can’t take this sh*t any more….. he said mistakenly.”

That moment of glorious vindication as you thump the keys of your laptop to tell your biggest client why they are such a moron makes you feel really very good. “That’ll learn ‘em” your inner-self shouts triumphantly. Then the almost inevitable cycle of reflection, exhaustion, regret and ultimately feelings of failure and negativity follow.

Perhaps it’s the tone of someone’s communication or the suggestion that you may have done something wrong. Yet the truth is it actually doesn’t matter as mostly it’s the way you receive a message and not perhaps the actual message itself.

In the world of #NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) there exists the concept of Third Positioning - a powerful process for helping you gain / regain control. Third Position in NLP relates to ‘perceptual positions’. Third Position, or ‘Meta Position’, is a point of view of a dissociated observer, a fly on the wall and there are effectively three positions in any interaction ….

1. Your own viewpoint ( 'first position'). This is a good position to be in for being in touch with your feelings and standing up for your own interests. It is where most of us reside.

2. The other person's viewpoint ('second position'). Often referenced in emotional intelligence – can you step into the other person's shoes and see / feel what’s happening from their perspective. Powerful for helping you think about what is going on for them.

3. A detached observer's viewpoint ('third position'). Imagine if you were the proverbial fly on the wall looking down on yourself and the other person. What might you notice about your own behaviours and the other party's? Would you see physical clues to aggression or anxiety? Would the language you hear be helpful or not? What might you change to get a better outcome?

At Poisson Rouge we train people in conflict, #resilience , #emotionalintelligence, #motivation and #communicationskills all of which impact the ‘Don’t Press Send’ conversation.

Learning to step back, to get perspective on situations, to pause whilst you let some of the air out of the balloon allows you to inhabit a more balanced high-ground of appropriate and measured response.

“Your attitude, not your aptitude will determine your altitude.”

For many attitude is the key. Attitude alone may determine the outcomes of many if not all of your interactions.

In our #peopledevelopment work – we often invite individuals to develop a life mantra / motto for themselves and you could do a lot worse than simply making yours “Don’t Press Send”

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